As
with my other article, I would want to write this from a girl's perspective...
An experience of my straight guy pal
inspired me to write this guide. It's something I've also observed over the
years of my girl pals with either their boyfriends or with guys they just hang
out with. What happened between him and his girl pal (who happens to be my
friend also) shared the same thing with my observations: men are just plain
clueless on how a girl thinks during an argument. I hope that what I'll share
would change all that. So here are the six rules to help guys know what to do
when they get into a fight with a girl:
Rule 1 – Never, ever a hit a girl
Hit us
and it is over – no further explanation needed.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? In some cases, it does help to put some sense into her –
like when both of your lives are in danger and she’s acting like crazy. But in
an ordinary argument, it pays to control yourself. Then again, what if she hits
you first? Unless she comes at you with a knife, it is best to accept her blows
– just don’t let her kill you. Having you dead is something that both of you
will really be very sorry for.
Rule 2 - Never, ever fight in public
This
is the next important rule and guys with common sense know why. Personal
arguments with a girl are meant to be private moments - not out in the streets.
Besides, it doesn't look good for a guy to be seen in a shouting match with a
girl. The public humiliation would be too much for the girl that she'd totally
shut the guy out forever. So if a fight can't be avoided, following Rule number
4 helps.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? Guys should be concerned with a girl’s safety if they
happen to be out on a date or just somewhere else. More often, a girl would
want the guy to take her home so guys should do so when she demands it. But a
really angry girl would really want to stay away from you ASAP. When that
happens, apply Rule number 5 but do check up on her. In the first place, it
would be best to have someone else with you two, like a close friend of hers
and another friend. In case things didn’t go well between you and her, at least
she won’t go home alone. (Did I already mention that you need to observe Rule
number 5?)
Rule 3 – Let her vent
steam
Trying to explain your side would only
make us girls really angry. To us girls, a guy who explains himself is really
giving excuses to cover up his mistake. Being in an angry state, we girls can’t
think straight to realize what you guys are saying. So the more that guys talk the
more that girls will get angry. If the guy persists and the girl still won’t
listen, things can get worse. Eventually, he’ll get so mad that he may scream
at her – or worse, even hit her. So it’s better to just let her words out of your
other ear and wait till calms down.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? There are girls who give the silent treatment to their men, but even
that is subject to Rule number 4. Say anything else and she’ll take it as a
lame excuse, making her shoot it down and start a word war between you two.
Then that means, it still isn’t the best time to talk to her, considering how she
feels now.
Rule 4 –Give a short
“sorry” then excuse yourself and leave
Even if she stops ranting, the
sight of you still reminds her of what she hates you for. In Filipino, it means
that “nakikita pa niya sa iyo ang kina-iimbiyernahan niya”. The longer you
stay, the more likely she’ll start cursing you again. So it’s better to follow
Rule number 5. Even if she demands an explanation, just tell her you’ll talk
with her when she’s feeling better then leave. An angry girl – even if she
wants an explanation from you – is still an angry girl who only wants to vent
her frustrations. No use then telling her what she wants then – just cut the confrontation
short and come back at a better time.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? There are arguments that require your attention – like if she complains
that you aren’t spending more time with her or if she suspects you’re cheating
on her but it isn’t true. In those situations, a guy who leaves without giving
an explanation (AND assuring her) is giving a bad impression. It’s like telling
her you’re hiding something. So it’s best to GENTLY confront her – otherwise,
there’s always another time.
Rule 5 – Give her
space
This is something that you men
really have to work on – patience and self-control is most needed from you. Of
course, the feeling of guilt would make you all feel that you’ve never had the
chance to show her how sorry you truly are. Okay, that’s understandable. But
the problem is, the mind of an angry girl still has the misunderstanding fresh
in her head. So it’s better to be totally out of her life for the time being. That
even extends to cellphones AND social media, especially in Facebook. So don’t send her a PM,
never like her status or any comment posted on her timeline, or even post
anything in her timeline. In short, leave her Facebook profile alone as well as
her Twitter, etc. Also, quit sending her text messages or make missed calls. Anything that reminds her of you will annoy her all the more.
That will make her remember even more the very thing she hated you for in the
first place – that "one thing" you wanted her to forget. Might as well do
something worthwhile while waiting AND focus on finding ways to make up with
her.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? Leave her alone too much and she’ll not only think you’ve forgotten her
but that you’re also not worth for a second chance. This is where her friends
come in. Of course, some of her girl pals would want to stay out of it since
it’s a personal affair. But if you really took the time to know ALL of her
friends, there will be one who’s bound to help you with sensible advice and even
work to get her to forgive you on your behalf. On the other hand, if SHE is the
one who’s at fault... Don’t make the first
move in making amends with a girl who has done you wrong – she ought to be the
one working for it.
Rule 6 – When you
unexpectedly bump into each other, be nice then be on your way
It’s a small world and you may never know
just when your paths may cross. So guys, if you happen to bump into her
somewhere- and you’re still both NOT on good terms - just give a “Hi” and be on
your way. Obviously, there’s a chance she’ll ignore you but treat the situation
as a good opportunity to know if she is still angry with you or not.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? There’s no point ignoring this rule if you’re the one at fault. As with
Rule 5, dealing with this situation takes patience and self-control. So just follow the advice of her friends who
are sympathetic with you. Also continue to be nice with her in case you run
into her again but still back off if you feel she is still angry. Otherwise,
that will be the right time to apply Rule number 7.
Rule 7 – When you
have finally managed to truly show how sorry you feel, don’t immediately expect
things to be the same as they were before
Even if a girl has accepted your apology, she
somehow still remembers happened between you and her. With guys and their
girlfriends, expect months before she’ll be back to her old self.
Unfortunately, for guys who have been friendzoned (that is, the dreaded
“let’s-just-be-friends” status) by the girls they like, don’t expect anything
much. Just learn from the experience then move on to the next willing girl.
ANY EXCEPTIONS? Ignore this rule and she’ll think you’re still an asshole. There are no
exceptions to this rule.
Related posts:
10 Things That Guys Must Know When Courting A Girl and Keeping Her - From A Modern Pinay's Perspective
Random thoughts on Love and Marriage
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